


A Lion

by trepkos



Category: Arthur of the Britons
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Jealousy, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-03-20
Packaged: 2017-10-10 21:39:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/104590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trepkos/pseuds/trepkos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kai finds he has been betrayed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Lion

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place during 1.9: Enemies and Lovers

Kai stares, uncomprehending, at the empty hut.

Goda has gone. Taken her possessions, and cleared out. 

She doesn’t love him.

A void opens up inside …

She doesn’t love him – maybe never did.

... and he has to tell Arthur.

He won’t get any sympathy, but something’s very wrong.

“Does she know about the signals?”

“Not from me.”

Then it hits him like a charging horse – and tramples him. She used him; ever since Goda raised her voice in song, she’s been using him.

His eyes start stinging. He can barely breathe. Years, he’s spent, building up the confidence of the Celts, and now, in but a single day, it’s all come crashing down.

He’s put them in danger. 

Soon, the world will brand him a fool – or worse.

If he’d cut out his heart, and set it on a spike at the entrance to the village, it would have hurt him less. 

From some place, very far away, he hears Llud and Arthur discussing plans, readying themselves for action, but it’s just noise; he can’t move.

They don’t even look at him. Perhaps that is a kindness; the slightest glance might just dissolve him like a morning mist.

_“Kai!”_

Kai shakes his head. “What?”

“We must send to safety all those of our people who can’t fight. I’ll cover the village east of the longhouse – you cover the west. Get your men mounted up. Stay in hiding till Morcant’s lot are near the jetty. Then bring cavalry down on them. I’ll be there with our foot soldiers.” 

Kai looks at the floor. “What if the men no longer follow me?”

Arthur shakes him by the shoulders. “Lead them, and they _will_ follow. Come on! We may have very little time.”

Then Arthur and Llud leave him in the hut.

~~

“Where’s Kai? Why hasn’t he come out?” Arthur looks round, exasperated. “Llud, will you –?”

Llud shakes his head. “It’s not his father he needs now – it’s you, his chief.” 

Arthur sighs. “Start rousing the village. Tell them to be swift and silent.”

He goes back inside, and finds Kai standing in the corner, like a statue. Kai’s head is bowed, his tawny mane hiding his face, his cloak pulled tight around him. 

The ice melts from around Arthur’s heart. He’s never seen Kai look so broken.

“Kai, you couldn’t have known.”

Kai shudders, as if he has just been dragged out of a frozen lake. “_You_ did. You knew all along.”

“I had no idea. If I _had_ known, don’t you think I would have said so?”

Kai looks up. “Then why were you so against this?”

“Don’t you know?”

Kai shakes his head slowly.

Arthur drops his gaze. “I was jealous … though I had no right to be.”

Kai tilts his head. “You … wanted Goda?”

Perhaps Kai is some kind of idiot. Patiently, Arthur tells him, “I did not want Goda.”

Kai frowns; his mouth forms words, though he speaks none.

“Work it out later. Right now, I need my Kai back.” Arthur slaps Kai’s chest with the back of his hand. “That witch has turned a lion into a mewling kitten.”

A flash of anger lights Kai’s face. “What did you call me?”

Arthur lets a slight smile twitch the corner of his mouth. “I called you ‘my Kai’, ‘a lion’. And here he is.”

Kai straightens. He throws off his cloak, pulls on his tunic, and picks up his axe.

~~

It is an act; that’s all it’s ever been. And every day, he pulls it off, but this takes every bit of strength he has.

Kai holds his axe close to his chest, like a lover he can trust. 

Arthur gives him the nod.

The eyes of the men he leads bore into his back. 

He might die this day, but no one else must pay the price for his mistake.

~~

Kai doesn’t like it in the water.

Morcant is strong and desperate, and Kai just feels so tired; it would be easier to let the water take him.

But he won’t fail again; Morcant it is, the lake keeps in her cold embrace.

Now Arthur is standing on the jetty, offering his hand.

Kai doesn’t want to take it.

Arthur will haul him out, and then he will have to see Arthur’s face; live another day with his shame.

But Arthur won’t let him stay under.

And he was wrong; there is sympathy in Arthur’s face, and then he feels Arthur’s hand resting on his back.

The lion must kill once more this day.

Perhaps, when he has licked his wounds, he’ll find there is a reason to go on.

~~

**Author's Note:**

> First archived here: 26 January 2011.  
> Revised: 20 March 2016.
> 
> If you love this show, please join the [Arthur of the Britons Community](http://community.livejournal.com/arthur_britons/profile) on Livejournal.


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